Ok, so yeah I've been reading this series of books that are set in Ireland. So, I'm sure that is where the dream came from. Almost positive.
For those of you that don't know, I spent several months in Ireland in 2004. In that short time, it became home for me. To paraphrase the movie Sabrina, I found myself in Ireland (Sabrina found herself in Paris).
And pretty much since I had the stroke, I haven't been dreaming. Well, last night I had a dream that unsettled me more than I care to admit. I've made no secret of my desire to go back to Ireland to live, and reading these books set in Ireland do not help matters in any way, but this dream was so bizarre. In the dream, a lady that I do not like from my office was sitting across from me at a picnic table and telling me that I should contact HR to find out if there are any jobs at our facility in Ireland. She was giving me names and everything. Now since this woman and I do not get along, it bothered me on several levels. But I can't get it out of my head.
Now, I have had that thought more times than I can count (checking to see if there are any jobs available there), but of course, that's completely impractical, right? I mean, it would be nye on impossible for me to get a work visa right?
So, instead of heading down that road, I actually did something going another road. I sent away for information from a school for marine science. That's what I was going to do when I graduated from high school, but for some reason I didn't. I don't regret any of those decisions because I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't made those choices. However, I realized a couple of days ago, that I am the only thing that is holding me back. Me. Not the illnesses, not the crazy, selfish husband, just ME. I AM THE ONLY THING HOLDING ME BACK. So, now that I have come to this realization, that doesn't make the mechanics any easier. But there you have it.
The question remains as to what I will do. What I really want to do. But at least I did something. I looked down both less traveled roads today. I found a book that is supposed to help people considering a move to Ireland, so when I get some more money, I'm going to invest in that as well. And I guess when I weigh all the options, I will be able to make the right decision. Of course, there comes the nasty business of this crumbling marriage too. To try or not. I don't want to get divorced. But I can't just get over what he's done to me. Is that wrong of me? Should I just say ok, and pretend everything is ok? Or since my feelings are so different these days, just cut the losses for all involved and forget my credit rating and leave it all be?
3 comments:
Well Trisha I may not be of any help, but this I have learned for myself and know to be true. Pray about it, follow those promptings and the Lord will let you know what will make you happiest. He loves you!
Whatever choices you make they will be the right ones for you. You're too amazing of a person not to make the right decisions, so that is the only way I can answer all your questions.
Hey Trisha,
You have so many options! That's a good place to start. You're really tied to nothing but your choice to be a follower of Christ. That's awesome! You can go anywhere and do anything. You're brilliant, talented, personable, educated, fun,... The world is wide open. Follow your dreams!
I completely agree with Bre. Do what the Lord leads you to do? He loves you and He made you to experience joy!
I'll try to call before I leave for Grand Canyon.
i didn't want to comment right away cause i wanted to ponder, and i'm in total agreeance with bre. the Lord will never lead you astray. ask Him, he gives much sager advice than me. ;)
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